alcoholic

就那么的结束了吗？
我会不会忘记心痛的感觉是什么？

why can't we just like the others couple, be a normal one?

无聊的一星期

身为女朋友的我，真的有那么差劲吗？

过了一个超级无聊的一星期，在家不是读书就是上网。连我向来觉得无聊狗血的台湾偶像剧都可以觉得很好看。我其实不是想出去玩，我只是想见见你，让我放松一下。我知道最近大家经济状况都不好，我也没有吵着要去哪去哪。我其实只想和你静静地抱在一起，聊聊天，看看戏，睡个午觉，简简单单幸福地过一天。有错吗？就算你忙到一整天一封简讯都没有，我也没有对你发牢骚，我只能一个人的生闷气，可是你却说我不体谅你，难道我连无奈的语气也不可以有吗？如果那无形的关心和体谅你都感觉不到，那我的关心还有什么意义呢？

需要你陪的夜晚你不在

有时候觉得我还是孤孤单单的一个人


pennie

我照顾个生病的人，又错了吗？

原来心真的会痛，累了，也泪了

多少次我以为一直以来碎了的心被弥补了，重见曙光。原来这一次更痛，痛到泪会不自觉地落下，会睡不着，会每一刻都在想为什么。我又变回了以前那个双面人，带着一幅虚伪的面具，笑着对人家说我没事。为什么要对我那么的残忍，可以请你收回那句话吗？原来心真的会痛。。。

There’s no magic spell or pill that can cure a broken heart, if it was I probably would’ve overdosed. You can’t go to your local drug store or pharmacy for pain medication to help with the heartache you’re experiencing. The only thing you can do is take steps to at least try to alleviate some of the pain you feel. Giving your heart to someone is always a gamble and unfortunately sometimes we give our heart to people who don’t deserve it or people who have no idea what to do with it.

It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are because you don’t have to be in a relationship to get your heart broken. You call fall in love with a friend, someone who you can’t have, or maybe you once had someone and lost them. The fact of the matter is your heart is broken and you need to get through it. The process of mending a broken heart involves effectively processing your emotions. When you’re angry, you’re angry, get it out, when you’re sad, cry, and scream to the top of your lungs, whatever works. Admit what ever short comings you may have had, figure out how to grow from the situation, and think about the lessons you learned from the experience; find your pattern, we all have one. You will laugh, you will cry, you will feel disappointment, and sometimes you will feel like your heart has been ripped out but you will LIVE.

pennie

03072012

Hmmnnn, today is the first day he works at the other country. don't know when will he come back. i'm sure i will miss him badly ;) a bit can't adapt the day without his call or messages ahahaha x) but this is not the point i'm typing this post XD because today is totally free and laziness still stick on me no feels like to do any revision although i know the holly shit UEC trial exam is appoarching. two months to go. and  4 months left i have to leave the lovely chong hwa i had been studying for 6 years. i will have a million of reluctant to leave during the graduation day. even i hate this school much i still love it too x)

since today is so free. i do some research about futher study at taiwan, fashion design course. errrr maybe i still have to think about what should i choose. reality or dreams? ohhh i really confuse. fashion design must be a super high cost study since it was all about fashion and classes things. but banking and finance will be enough to cover my family economic burden. it's really a very difficult decision i have to make. sometimes i will complain why is my family not rich enough to fulfill my dreams. why must i have to do things that i'm not interested just for the purpose to earn money. life is hard i know. and i clearly know earn money is hard because i experience before. now want me to force myself to do things i don't like just to earn money. it's absolutely lifeless! but, what can i do? i don't know how to choose.

idiot ;)

everyday i pull off my curtain and look out from my window when i heard car's engine pass by my house and what i get is disappointed and nothing. i feels like i am totally an idiot every times i did this action. waiting somebody appear with a surprise but my expectation always turns to fog. waiting for the message all the time and thinking about what the hell are you doing why don't you reply my message and smash the phone to the floor with the highest anger. staying house alone and thinking the topic we quarrel last night but will never solved until the problem find the right time to solve itself. how lonely you know the feel staying at house but nothing to do some more without any mood and just can think about nonsense. feels like going to cry but you are not beside me no one can comfort me after i cried then i just hold back. meet you today but you still the same and watch the time 3 minutes once. is gathering with friends important than me when you see your girlfriend bothering the problem between you and she? i have nothing to say and ask because your heart isn't here anymore. the sentence you said twice hurt me without any perception. i feel heart broke but you seems never realize. since i feel heart broke, the thing i can comfirm is i love you. no matter what happened, i still besides you. but i don't what can i do now. both of us. that's why i say i am an idiot.

messy mind

今天我很emo，很多事情压下来，再一次的，我又感到累了。再一次的，我又感到我做错了。很很很迷茫，不知该如何是好。惟有这里可以让我把情绪发泄出来。

成绩陆续的发下来，然后这真的是我不想接受的东西。成绩差，以前我会怪自己没有尽力，没有做好自己的本分。成绩差，现在我会怪自己因为谈恋爱而忽略成绩，没有认真地看待高三这重要的一年。可是这是真正的原因吗？或许吧。我不会责怪他，因为那是我自己的选择。出去玩，是我自己决定的。拍拖，也是我自己决定的。所以我还能怪谁？是我自己忍不住诱惑。无可否认，外面的世界对我来说太诱惑，这都是我一直以来向往的。是我自己的定力太差，才兼顾不到学业。虽然我老是对父母说，拍拖不会影响到成绩，可是如今事实证明并非如此。我现在能做的是，面壁思过，理清下一步我该怎么做。

父母的反对，也许是对的。然而大家都说爱情是盲目的，可是其实我有把它听进去，所以我才会想那么多。难道大家就不能给我一点点的信任？理性思维告诉我，我不应该陷得那么深。我有在听在思考。用绳子绑住自己真的很困难，当你感到紧时你自己会把它解开，可是其实你不能那么做。当双面人很辛苦也很累。我不知道我几时会厌倦这种生活，或我已经习惯了，我不知道。

离开华乐团，我以为我的选择是对的。进入另一个乐团，我也以为我的选择是对的。当初我以为到另一个不同的圈子会学习到更多的东西，扩大我的社交圈子，增进自己的技术。去了那里一个月，我发现我只感到累，我没有快乐。我还是想念以前的那个乐团。想念大家分组练习的时候嘻嘻哈哈的练习，一起讨论一起研究；想念大阮柳琴两头跑，被Darren臭骂的时候；想念带着那些小的被他们气疯的日子；想念我们6姐妹感情却来越深，一起哭一起笑的日子；想念合奏时虽然很闷可是却可以对视一笑；想念合奏前说那首曲子是多么的难，当练成是那成就感又是多么的棒。今天，特别想念你们。彭向勤徐蓓婷陈怡霖陈怡文 ♥ 也许是我习惯了以前乐团的形式，现在去到新的环境还不习惯他们的进行方式。可是那种以去到那边就是合奏2个小时半放学的方式我真的不是很喜欢。虽然他们的进度很快，2个小时半内可以过2，3首新曲。可是却一点欢乐都没有。这让我感觉就是，为了表演而坐在那边和一大群你不认识的人合奏，时间到就走人，为了表演而表演。可是我当时的目的并不是这样。我要的是为了学习为了放松为了交新朋友而去的，为了坚持学柳琴而去的。可是那种练习状况真的很有压迫感，不仅给我压力又交不到朋友。如今又有什么意义呢？我学华乐那么多年，第一次合奏打瞌睡，又找不到提神的方法。今年是统考年，对我来说真的超级超级重要，可是他们却要办个音乐会，在8月尾，然后9月头就预试了。我真的很想就此退团，专注于学业， 可是我会舍得吗？

Pennie

especially for u, tcw ♥

insomnia tonight, without any reason, i just want to write a post for you.is especially for you ♥ and here is your gift. it is all about me. you can know me deeply through here and because i want to let you know me more and more so that you will not say you don't know what i'm thinking next time. HERE, is all about my growth within these 2 years. well, this maybe will be a bit boring school life compare to your those super attractive fun outer school life. but here is totally pure and peace. although there is not many post you can read, i hope you can spend time here and missing me through the post i posted. because i'm really not going to accept your call or reply your message this week while i'm examing X) i'm sorry but i need your understanding. the girl who never fall in love is going to try her best to do everything she can because she willing to :) you and me is the luckiest one to meet each other because we both need what each other have . goodnight and i will miss you :D

what is love?

i will try to understand it :)

Pennie

smile :)

finally,i took off my braces :D let's smile!! i keep licking my teeth after my braces off. HAHA! it feels super good!!

最近发生了一点点的插曲，到底是我太敏感会错意还是这就是事实？我真的不懂，我很想去解决，可是真的不懂从何下手。我不想历史重演啊！那将会是个很痛心的回忆。

所以现在我应该怎么办才好？

meii

26012012

大年初二look :)

很突然的回了kampung--芙蓉。还蛮久没有回去了，所以我一到那边整个傻傻的愣在那边。因为我完全不懂要怎样称呼他们 -.- 然后就很尴尬的跟他们点头，还要他们跟我讲他们是谁我才会叫人，真的是丢脸啊 T^T 这次回去终于彻底的体会到什么叫kampung了。那里。。。真的不是用文字可以形容的。我连急尿都不敢去上厕所，因为那边的厕所真的是那种古代独立在草丛中的茅厕，除了装了拉水的设备还可以算是近代一点之外，那边简直就是古代的屋子。这次回去还做了件我人生中很特别的事，就是第一次帮大家洗碗 -.- 原本我只是打算洗自己的罢了，然后我的婆婆说要洗的话就洗完大家的碗。FINE,算是我尽下孝心啦。结果我就再没有水喉的情况下洗完大家的碗了。 结果这一趟回去我的目的也没有达到，haizzz，年初二就这样过了。

新年前班上发生了些事情。短短的几天内好像发生了很多事情，忽然间很多的感触涌出来。原来高三生涯是如此的不一样，真的可以像我所想象般轰轰烈烈和疯疯癫癫。那我没后悔我当初选择了高三。我很庆幸我有把心里的那句话post出来，让班上的同学发觉我们的问题，经过这次我发现我们班真的团结了不少。所以我相信接下来的日子绝对不会在沉闷，大家一起high翻天！我爱你们，高三文忠 ♥

然而唯一最遗憾的是华乐团竟让没能办成音乐会，我那一直期待的人生中第二场音乐会就那么轻易的泡汤了。令我自己最震撼的是我竟然退团了。这是我进团5年来从来没想过的事情。无论多少个人说过要退团，但我永远都会是立场最坚定的那个。然而我不知道我今年怎么了，竟然因为音乐会的取消，朋友的几句话，让我动了退团的心。而我也没想到退团竟是如此简单的事情，没有任何人的挽留，没有任何人的劝说，还真让我有点不习惯。我爱了5年的隆中华华乐团，就那么轻易的对它说再见。我会不断回想曾经在乐团的点点滴滴，一起表演，一起比赛，一起等成绩，那会是我最珍惜的回忆。大家因为拿金奖，进决赛而高兴至哭的那种心情，我还想再有一次。可是一切都已经回不了头了 :( 我的亲爱的，摆在角落已经好一阵子了，我很害怕我会这样渐渐地把它遗忘掉。可是我总是会不自觉地把它遗忘，那曼妙的声音慢慢的在消失，这是我最不想面对的。很怀念我那张茧的手指头，可是我现在的手却搽满指甲油，一点都不是音乐人的手。我亲爱的，唯有在遗憾中度过。

刚刚看完了陈逸翔的部落格，越来越发现他是个感性的人。和他的外表可说是判若两人，真的令我刮目相看 :) 如果我只看你的文字搞不好会喜欢上你，陈逸翔！哈哈 XD 看到有人能够为班上，为高三付出那么多，真的有感动到。谢谢你那么爱我们的班 :DD
最近发现到班上有很多的爱苗开始发芽，春天来了呀！朋友们，记得多浇点水和施多点肥让它们快高长大 :) 我的又在哪儿呢 ♥

Meii

2012 ♥

昨天大家都在更blog,fb post.而我在做什么呢。HEHE。。。睡觉！ -.- 昨天不是讲笑的早睡啊。因为这两天开始做工了，所以不得已要养好精神。新人站在职场上就是要打起十二分精神把脸皮拉紧点，不然到头来挨骂的还是自己。金钱已经让我忘了昨天是什么日子，钱真的不能买来幸福和快乐吗？在我家这也许是幸福和快乐的泉源，所以我逼不得以双眼只能出现金钱两个字。新的一年里，应该会是更辛苦的一年，但是这18岁还是要过得轰轰烈烈疯疯癫癫和有意义！虽然说18岁了，但其实有什么不一样的吗？生活还是一样的过。

祝大家新年快乐 ♥

谢谢你彭向勤 ♥

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